Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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