i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
