so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
