the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
