That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
