Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Found your dick twin last night
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
