i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
