i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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