Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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