remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
