i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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