I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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