Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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