just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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