i just made my gag reflex go away.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
