I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
