Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
