the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
