Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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