Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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