not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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