it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
