genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
