OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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