I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
