Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
