Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
