The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
