Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize