I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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