alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
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I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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