Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
