god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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