he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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