.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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