NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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