easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
