everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
