I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
