This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
