U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
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you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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