Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My dick has a subreddit
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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