she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
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Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
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i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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