At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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