GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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