I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
