trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
