mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
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He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
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Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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