The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
