Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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