I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
