So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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