apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
