I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
oh god the rape fog is back!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
