everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
