he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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