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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
