Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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