I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
