Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I deserve this hangover.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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