He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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